There is another side to birth that I feel deserves more space in the conversations about birth storytelling and the role of doulas...
The partner's experience.
I'm sharing a vulnerable part of our journey with my husband's permission.
When our first child was born, the birth was traumatic. Not only for me, but also for him, who witnessed something incredibly intense and frightening.
While I was the one physically going through labour and birth, he was standing beside me, watching, navigating his own fear and uncertainty, and experiencing something that would stay with him, too.
He often talks about the moments after the birth when I was quickly taken to theatre and he was left alone in the room with our newly born son wrapped up in his arms, feeling shocked and confused and unsure of what had just happened.
He carried these feelings into parenthood and wasn't able to make sense of them for a long time.
Partners can witness things they weren't prepared for. They can feel helpless, frightened, overwhelmed or unsure of what to do. They may carry questions, memories and emotions that they haven't had the opportunity to process.
And often, once the baby arrives, the focus naturally shifts to the mother and baby. The partner steps into their new role as a parent, and their own experience can quietly get pushed aside or suppressed.
But they were there, too.
This is one of the reasons I believe so deeply in the importance of doulas holding space not only for the birthing woman, but also for her partner.
A doula cannot take away the intensity of birth or promise that everything will unfold as hoped. But they can offer reassurance, guidance and a steady presence. They can help partners understand what is happening, acknowledge their feelings and remind them that they don't have to navigate everything alone.
And sometimes, after birth, partners need space to tell their story, too.
Not to take anything away from the mama. Not to make the experiences equal or interchangeable. But to recognise that birth can leave its mark on everyone involved.
Our first birth taught me a lot about this. And it is something I carry with me in the way I support families today.
🤍